I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
