Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
