coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
