Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
