i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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