sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize