Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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