He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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