So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
