He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
