Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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