The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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