I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Actions speak louder than pants.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
