wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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