It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
