you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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