We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
