Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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