he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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