ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
