I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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