time to smoke my breakfast
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
