There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
