Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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