guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
