this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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