This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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