I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
