I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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