I need help removing her.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
