K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
