**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
