There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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