I CAN MOONWALK!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
