FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
