Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Michael Bay diarrhea
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
