I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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