like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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