And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
