My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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