i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Small penises have feelings too.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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