we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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