if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
40s are totally the cure
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
that is very illegal...i love you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I forget how to act sober
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
