I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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