If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
