then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
this just has baby written all over it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
