i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
