why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
