I hate your face
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
