I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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