You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
