He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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