Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Randomize
