My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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