I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So squirting runs in the family.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
