I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
