I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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