I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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