I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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