my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
