You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
