fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
