You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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