There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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