I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
