somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
