Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
