I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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