You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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